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Russian women married to Western men

The Russian Women and Their Destinies

By Natalia Tkachenko

The information for such plot was collected long time ago. Some concrete reasons forced me to look on this event from the reason-consequence variant, as if on one whole piece. The people and more precisely - their damaged understanding of themselves in the historical context. Not so long ago I have read and became greatly upset with the comments of the ex-soviet women on the women immigration forums on how they picture themselves in the scales of new families in economically flourishing counties. They live as before, based on the principles and conditions of the moral and psychological slavery in which they were born and grew up in the times of the Soviet Union, profession the proverb: I do not need anything extra, I better survive.

For example their talks that the new foreign husband is much more than the previous they had in their home countries only because he took her to the new world, gave the place under the sun in his apartment, life and country. And if for example he smiled to your child, bought him a present and drop to school in the car- so you can close your eyes and feel that you are already in the Paradise. But the Paradise, my dear ex-compatriots, as in widely known, you will never get on this Earth, even in the scale of such separately taken continent as America. Even if we will try to persuade ourselves in it and find the "proper" proofs. And do not try to blame me in dissatisfaction, I suffer though only from the absence of creative realization. And the advices of some of yours to go and wash the toilets to earn for living sounds like a total nonsense - with this job you will not only humiliate your ego, creative beginning, pull in somewhere inside you mind, but also get all the other ways of development closed for yourself. And for what women- immigrants should go for any work, if big bunch of them, like me, for example, as on the native Russian will talk, write and think in English. And when the right times come will evaluate our diplomas adequately. The critique of the current conditions we need in order to move at least on the half step ahead. Let's think what will happen if we all at once will become completely satisfied with our life. I will give the reply - the evolution, I mean the development will stop. Only these inside fire or dissatisfaction were forcing us in the past time to prefer the foreign husbands, and till nowadays move the ships, furrowing the spaces of the sky ocean, and some centuries ago pushes the European navigator Columbus to open to everybody, including modern us America (and wider, the life abroad) which we start to get familiar with…

However, let's get rid of abstractionism! … Here are the concrete sketches of the concrete women destinies with some names changes of course.

… Lubania is 37 years old. She is a designer of the clothes by her profession. Besides she dances and draws not so bad. Last seven years she earned her living by dancing in hotels and clubs in Turkey. So what? We are doing that for what we are paid well. In Turkey she made acquaintance with the French manager, who proposed to her after some time to marry him. The wedding had place in October in France. Lubania at once found the work in the new place - she is giving dancing lessons and drawing small paintings that she sells at the numerous exhibitions. Now she returned for a while back to her home country - to stay with her son and to rest - the new French husband started to beat her systematically. In February if she will recover enough and her spirit will be brave she will return back to her husband in France and get the permission for the permanent living in France for ten years…

Helena is forty-five. As they say in Russian proverb "Forty five woman is fresh as a fruit berry again!" After ten years of search of her own soul mate - when she got tired of being burned and burning herself - she got married to the businessman from Holland. "He is not rich", - Helena said, - "but I will not trade him for any millionaire. Because we are from the same generation, have the equal thoughts, the same feelings". Of course, this rarely, but happens in relations. Or may be this is the…LOVE?

…Your obedient servant, Natalia, is thirty-five. To the stable married life with the previous life experience she was not prepared. Succeeded to be before the freely and lucky carrier oriented person. The marriage happened because age was shameful not to be married yet, the spouse is a very tolerant man and besides the new country- is the land of new possibilities and not only for the child but good option to start a new life. Although such possibilities are limited with the frames of secluded family life on the neglected American farmstead. The husband is the man with the principles and he (due to the bunch of circumstances) hardly can be moved from this place to more crowded one, besides for the life in the big city you need to have bigger incomes.

Ludviga is 32. Her son Vladimir is only three years old. She changed the continents and came to the new one into the marriage life, changed the good paid profession of pharmacist in her home country and settled comfortable paid off flat to the functions of the housekeeper and the step mother for the three sons of her husband from the previous marriages. Listening to her voice on telephone and her stories about the marriage life - she is not very happy in this new role. Her spouse has no extra money (he limits her even with the telephone cards to call motherland), and no extra forces in his late sixties (already several months after marriage he doesn't want to go with her to the office of immigration and naturalization to fill the new form and to legalize her with the papers). To my point of view he only takes a long time over, making her the real home terror: though all the electronic mail is thoroughly watched through and all the telephone talks are listened by him (he has some knowledge of Russian). Although with such desire to control lots of women suffer, not only from Americans.

And here is a little bit of happy stories. Angelica is thirty-seven. Her husband is thirty-eight years old programmer from Texas, he worships her. She is his first real love. They are expecting the small one in their family, although she already has her child from the first marriage. Their life is like a full cup, and as you know people prefer not to share with the others their emotions when they are lucky, they are much more talkative when they are in troubles. But, I suppose she already had a full cup of worries in her last incarnations, if such happens to be.

Oleana is around forty- one, forty-two. Her life scheme is easily described in proverb: "If you suffer for too long, you will get the right direction sooner or later". Days before in the previous marriages she was not too happy, now she is married to the handsome and respectable businessman from former Soviets, who have his own business in USA. They live on Manhattan. She is studying at the business college. Not to make big buck- just for pleasure - because even the right people like to do something! She is very smart and thoughtful lady and although she is in general satisfied with her life, there happened in her narrative the fragments of misery and melancholy..

Irene is also around forty. She tried to involve her foreign fiancee into marriage during 3 years. Finally she succeeds. Now her house - is like a full plate. She got the pleasures from the life - also to the full measurements. And from his habitual greediness is almost nothing left. He wants, although he is older then fifty, to have a mutual baby (each of the spouses has their own kids). This couple is very superstitious, afraid of envies and black magic, that's why on the question: "How is it going on?" they reply rarely and unwillingly. It means that they are happy with each other and the life in general. She does not work on his proposal, sits at home and plays the keyboard.

What else to tell? Yes, they run, oh, how they run away from my long- suffering motherland! They do not want- but run away, from beloved and poor - to the patient and prosperous. A lot beforehand are ready for the homesickness in the new land. And writes down the letter on the Internet with the hopes to find the fiancee 23 year-old Anastasia. Because her creative artist talent and women qualities can be needed only in the countries where she can find men and money. There is left in the motherland 34 years old beauty Eleanora, because she is settled with the work for now and her English is not perfect. But her boyfriend (the married by the way guy) - is not till the end of her days, and every woman wants to have her own family and not to be a transit corridor to the other one's. Lost the rich fiancee from the States twenty-four years old Snejana, and now is waiting for the new trains… But those, who already succeeded to try good luck abroad, may be not willing to try it- if they know how it can happen. Here is an Old Russian proverb: "Its good to be useful where you were born ".

But the History - total, human history, like the life - is going on. And one more friend of mine, forty- three years old Ariadna is going to try her luck with a forty five years old catholic from Italy, who was never married before. You think there are other ways out? The women are just trying with their departures to save their daughters from the same women underestimation in their home countries…

January, 2003

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